Ode to an Ontario wheeler.

As I travel the continent coast to coast (all 4 of them), I appreciate that each area has its unique beauty and off-roading differences. Laws for what we can drive on the street and wise-ranging weather conditions from deep cold to searing heat come into play, and each region's terrain makes for a difference in how you build your rigs.

While the terrain changes constantly from mud to rocks to desert and sand, one consistent obstacle in Ontario is bugs. Black bugs, small bugs, big bugs. Bugs that bite, bugs that sting, bugs that kamikaze right into your mouth every time you open it, and bugs that chomp right through your clothes. I'm pretty sure if enough of them gang up, they could probably carry a small child away. When it comes to wheeling this is one obstacle you can't stack, winch or drive around. Then can smell your blood for miles! I have cheated the past few years by going to Ontario late in August and early September. These two months give you the false impression that Ontario is just like everywhere else - just with more beavers and beaver dams - but that's just to lull you into thinking spring is a great time to head to the bush. I think Ontario wheelers just want you along so you diffuse the cloud. What they won't tell you before you come is to bring a bug shirt. Yes, they look ridiculous but you will want one, even ask where the best ones come from, maybe even leave that night to go look for one, losing sleep to go get one! Any flesh you leave exposed will be begging for DEET.

DEET by the way is N,N-Diethyl-meta-toluamid, the main active ingredient to bug spray. Check it out - it even has its own web site: www.deet.com. You will come to love DEET for sure. Some people talk about the bouquet of fresh wines. This is how Ontario Wheelers talk about DEET and bug sprays around the campfire.

The DEET web site says:

DEET-based repellents are recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH), the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and state and local public health officials, among others. AAP says they can be used on all family members over the age of two (2) months in concentrations up to 30%.

30% Ha! Wussies, bring on 70-80%! Heck 100% will be perfect. DEET application has taken on a life of its own. From DEET.com:

Today's DEET-based products are easy to use, have a nice feel on the skin, and offer light, pleasant scents. They come in aerosol and pump sprays, creams, lotions and even "dry" formulations. There are also pop-up towelette dispensers and individually-wrapped towelettes to take along wherever your adventures may lead. Some products have sustained release formulations. Others are designed for active folks who perspire a lot.

Companies have even turned bug killing into a sport with electric bug zappers that look like tennis rackets.

What it comes down to is dedication and the Ontario wheelers are dedicated! You really have to want to go wheeling, brave the bugs, climb through the trees and enjoy the great outdoors along with the long drives from the city. So the next time you head out into the wilderness west of Manitoba (same deal as Ontario, just less wheeling) and complain about a few mosquitoes buzzing around, think about that guy in the picture and his bug shirt. Turn to the East and raise a beer, smack the bugs and apply a little DEET.

Albert Vandervelde
Editor, 4WD Magazine